Jaaneman (जानेमन)(Hindi, 2006)

Remind me to thank Cineworld Ipswich that they did NOT screen Jaaneman while I was in Ipswich, and I was spared of watching this movie in a theatre. You have to wonder, why do some movies get made? OK, granted that you have made the mistake of producing a bad movie, shouldn’t you see it once yourself to see if it is worth springing on an unsuspecting public? Shouldn’t you be banned against going ahead and promoting the movie as the next best thing since Big Bang?

Perhaps I should direct my comments more at Star News, on which I had seen rave reviews of the movie and had seen so many viewers praising it. Obviously fabricated! I mean, sensationalist journalism is one thing, deliberately leading the viewers towards a torturous path is a crime. Having missed the movie in theaters, I saw it on DVD and had to really fight the temptation of shutting it down.

OK, I hear you shouting, “Get on with the review”. Well, Jaaneman is the story of two guys, Agastya (Akshay Kapoor) and Suhaan (Salman Khan), both of whom love Piya (Preity Zinta). Agastya is a studious nerd who can’t open his mouth in front of Piya, while Suhaan is the rock-star who loves and marries Piya. At the start of the movie, Agastya has returned from US after seven years to find Piya, only to find that Piya and Suhaan are now divorced because of some misunderstanding due to Suhaan’s career aspirations. Suhaan, who is now out-of-job and hence cannot make alimony payments, plots to help Agastya to impress Piya so that they get married and he gets away from alimony by declaring Piya is no longer dependent on him. However, in the process, he finds out that Piya has a child. Twist - now he wants both the child and Piya back in his life. A sickening hackneyed love triangle, with the standard ending of Agastya returning back to US after reuniting Piya and Suhaan. The much-talked-about unique ending is nothing more than Agastya finding a Piya-lookalike and pairing up with her. Sick!

On the acting front, Salman disappoints as expected, Akshay and Priety are ok. Anupam Kher has this talent of doing very good and very bad acting, and this time, it’s the turn of bad. On a story execution and directorial front, the movie never grips you to empathise with any character and to wonder what will happen if he does not end up getting the girl. Cinematography is average.

Recommendation – Avoid it, unless you are a die-hard Salman or Akshay fan and have to watch all their movies.

Rating - ✘✘✘